November 28, 2007

The Shrink

Confession: I have daddy issues.

Most of my adult life has been spent self-righteously gloating at my friends who are saddled with daddy issues. Apparently, that was a premature gloating because since I started masochistic hell therapy last week, it has become abundantly clear that daddy planted some seeds in my psyche that . . . Just. Won't. Freaking. Die . . . Yet.

So therapy is fun. All the creative stories I've told myself over the years, just don't hold up in the court of a perfect stranger sitting across from me, taking notes and throwing out the occasional, "Uh-huh, and how did that make you feel?" as he nods empathetically. OK, he doesn't really say that, but he does take notes. Is it wrong that I get paranoid about some potentially undiscovered neurosis or another every time he starts fervently scribbling notes as I pour some little tidbit of my soul out to him? Apparently my predilection for S&M is consistent with my intimacy, trust and commitment issues. Heh! Didn't see that one coming!

This will be an interesting adventure. Perhaps I'll come out the other side of this a nicer person. If so, what a shame to waste all this rich surliness.

8 comments:

dive said...

We don't have that "therapist" thing outside the States, Fresh; I've never understood it.
Besides, don't they realise that S&M is fun? Who needs a reason?

Art said...

I don't know... I like the surliness. I think you should quit therapy before you get all nice;)

Scout said...

You're brave. I will come back here to see how it's working for you. I suspect I have my own daddy issues, although mommy issues is more likely.

Fresh Hell said...

Dive~ The good thing about my therapist is he isn't trying to cure me of S&M, just my inability to trust and be intimate . . . with anyone . . . at all. Makes kinky sex seem like the least of my worries, eh!

Art~ Fear not, amigo, I don't think I have it in me to play too nicely.

Scout~ Freud says we all have issues wrapped up in our parents. I reckon that it has to be true since they taught us how to be. It would be bizarre if we weren't deeply affected by their shenanigans in child rearing.

I'll keep y'all posted on how it goes.

laughykate said...

Pick your therapist carefully. I went to one (I was deeply skeptical, I have to admit) - i started to be suspicious when I saw she was wearing a shawl and a broach, she was about 45 but disguised as a 60 year old AND SHE TOLD ME OFF AND JUDGED ME! 'If I could tell you how many girls I have in here wanting exactly what you're giving up, tut, tut,tut,tut,judge,judge, judge, go away and do this personality test...' I promptly fired her and was about to dam therapy to eternity, when a friend in the business talked me in to going and trying someone she recommended....and wow, what a difference. Made me understand why I was doing what I was doing and why it was the right decision...yada yada yada. But a bad therapist can truly screw you.

Fresh Hell said...

Thanks, Kate for the word from the wise. One of my best friends throughout all my life (since I was five years old) is a psychiarist. He always told me to be very careful about who you alow to toy with your mind. More wise words.

I've always gone with the principal that therapists are like boyfriends; never take home the first one who asks you to dance.

Also, I worked for seven years in the mental health profession. I learned many things. Included in that is that young therapists are a bad idea. You don't really want someone figuring out how to be a therapist on your mind. Another point is that women aren't always the best fit for other women. Too much emotion and a tendency toward sympathy when empathy would be a better approach to buoying someone through a sticky situation.

Anyhow, I've found a guy who seems to be tremendously competent, well experienced and a generally good dude. Here's hoping!

laughykate said...

That's great to hear. And love your theory 'therapists are like boyfriends; never take home the first one who asks you to dance.'

Can I borrow that and preach it?

Fresh Hell said...

Preach away!