November 26, 2007

Ooooooooooooommmmmmmmmm . . .

Yesterday my sister dragged me to the Sunday morning yoga class that she teaches. While I was bending and contorting in the yoga sort of way for the first time since well before I had surgery on my knee, it occurred to me that I am not as strong as I was just a few months ago, the compensation for a lame knee has hit the whole of my body and left it off kilter, and my flexibility leaves a lot to be desired. This morning, there are very few bits of me that are not experiencing soreness as a result.

My teeth and scalp for example . . . they are not sore.

Yoga is a dear friend. Sure there is pain involved, but it soothes my mind, sculpts biceps that are fun to look at, promotes strength and flexibility that leaves the fellas awestruck, and facilitates an exciting sex life. Now . . . all I have to do is get the fella to strike with awe and I'll be all set. Well, that and spend some time getting my yoga game face back on so I will have the wherewithal to pitch out some awe inspiring contortions.

For all of you fellas, who have not yet taken a yoga class, there are benefits worth consideration that many a man overlooks.
  • It isn't just for girls.
  • Just because you do yoga, doesn't mean you have to become a snively vegetarian and there is no need to start wearing hippy clothing and odious freaking patchouli oil.
  • Every guy I know who does yoga regularly has a superior body in shape and tone to those who do no yoga. In fact, the guys I know who do yoga exclusively for fitness, foregoing weights and aerobic activities, have better bodies than most other athletes I have known.
  • The whole relaxation bit is tremendous; all of life's woes do evaporate for a spell.
  • It makes for the sleep of an angel.
  • And one must not overlook the class itself, which is largely populated by flexible women in tight clothing.

The "yoga crowd" gets the . . . peace, love, unity, happiness, 'balance' . . . wtf? Balance? That is where the boat sets sail without them. They tend to overlook giving equal energy to war, hatred, discordance, sadness, anger, and so forth. The results of which are a bunch of self-indulgent assholes that spend all their time focused on their own personal inner peace, love, unity, happiness. Only the pretty thoughts and feelings shall enter their "beings". However, all you have to do is glare and spit at them and they slink away just like street proselytizers do.


Art said...

I must admit that I was thinking a man in a yoga class would most likely be outnumbered by "flexible women in tight clothing". Not that it would be a big selling point for a happily married guy like myself... (cough)

dive said...

Cool! You managed to fit "proselytizers" into a yoga piece.

I regularly sashay past a yoga class on my way home. They leave all the fire doors open to get some air and let passers-by take a peek.
It's full of elderly and middle-aged women, grunting and straining in multi-coloured leotards.
Much like a roomful of psychedelic walruses trying to scratch an itch they can't reach.
It helps me keep my weight down by putting me off food.

Fresh Hell said...

Shucks, Art. Think of it this way: You have the sweet car of your dreams (and the tickets to go with it!). However, when you see another car rolling down the street that is equally good looking with an engine that sings to your ears, you pull in a long eyefull, and you even imagine taking for a quick spin, feeling the curves, revving the engine, all that business. But the fleeting fancy is just that, fleeting. In the end, you already have the sweet ride that sings to your soul.

Dive~ Whatever works to keep the weight down. But I think that you might be passing the wrong yoga studio.