December 31, 2006

Ahhhh New Years

Work is crazy, overwhelming and all encompassing. So, I've taken the wise route of not reveling in the usual New Years hi-jinks and chosen to stay in with a bowl of popcorn and Sex in the City.

As the evening has pressed on, I decided to go ahead and live a little fancy on such a big (giggling) night. At ten o'clock, I suckled up to the fine juniper teat of some magnificent high-end gin in the pure and simple form of a martini. Still loving the holidays.

Tomorrow is a big day at the office. I'm going to have to lay my wary head to rest soon. With any luck, that will begin before tomorrow happens.

Happy New Year, Y'all!!!

December 30, 2006

Two Important Points

I so couldn't give a flying rat's ass about Sadam Freaking Hussain and his execution. Isn't there something newsworthy for the media to be sensationalizing?

More importantly, my most recent guilty pleasure is Justin Timberlake. He may be bringing sexy back, but sexy never left my palace.

Stealing From the Blogs of Others

I rifled this series of questions from Bitter Betty. A blog I thoroughly enjoy. So with that, enjoy!

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Well for starters, I got tied up (see picture to the top right) and whipped and flogged and smacked around until my booty and thighs were covered in bruises for weeks. That was new...

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I’m pretty dead-set against the resolution thing. It’s like setting yourself up for failure, and furthermore, if you want to make changes in your life, just go forward with it. Don’t wait until the first of the year for it. Stupid!!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yup. A couple. That’s the trouble with being a spinster in the late 30’s. Every freaking body is breeding like desperation has set in.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
In a way. The father of one of my best friends died. Which reminded me of what that feels like. Years take that away. And my first Hospice patient died on the same day. Which was a relief because he was badly sick, and needed to die.

5. What countries did you visit?
I passed through Idaho and West Texas, which I can tell you with every fiber of my being was a sojourn into something seriously foreign.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
I’m going with lotsa sex and a sense of contentment. One breeds the other don’t you think?

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 11th. It really is the only day in the year that stood out to me. It was my birthday and I felt more-so small and alone than I had ever before.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
It seems so small but I cut off all my hair and donated it to Locks of Love. I've never been a short hair girl either so that took a little adjusting. I've never had to work so hard on my hair in my life. They say short hair is so damned easy... pftt! Not so much. Change is good.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I had big fancy ideas about tightening up the chassis on this old jalopy but it didn’t work out quite as effectively as I’d hoped. Never the less, I’ve still got it going on, my friends.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No sir-ma’am! I’m healthy like horse! I’ve had a couple bumps and bruises, but nothing I didn’t have coming.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I bought some Frye boots. Damn. There are boots, and then there are boots, and then there are Frye boots. The kind of boot that sorts out your swagger and gets your hips moving just right. Some things are just poetic that way.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My brother’s. He has been in the process of becoming a man and he went to war for my country. And when it became clear that this country doesn’t really deserve his efforts he conducted himself with more integrity and honor than I ever thought he was capable of. I’m even more proud of him than I was when he joined the army in wartime.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Generally speaking, the male management figures of the company I work for from the East Coast. On the West Coast the management seemed to be a little more enlightened and invested in developing staff.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Can we talk a little bit about debt? If you wonder where my money was going, I’d say it went to where it was previously spent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Music music and more music. I fell back in love with music and the discovery of new bands that stir my soul. That and the Boston Bruins. They suck, but I love ‘em!

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Laura by Flogging Molly. If you haven’t heard it, I’d highly recommend it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder. I’ve not had quite enough change in this last year.
b) thinner or fatter? A little less fat and fuck you for asking!
c) richer or poorer? Relatively richer and that just means that my total debt load has gone down.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? A few things:
Yoga, running, knitting, writing, reading, making art and last but not least, shagging like my life depended on it.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Feeling sorry for myself. As if I didn’t know by now that I am in control of how I’m feeling! Sheesh!!

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
That bridge is crossed, my friends. And I’m happy to report, that in spite of my atheistic tendencies, I thoroughly enjoyed it.'

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
Not even close.

22. How many one-night stands?
One. For the record:
1) Don’t hump neighbors.
2) When neighbors are foreign, bear in mind that if they want to listen to Barry White, the are gunnin’ to hump.
3) Don’t freaking hump your neighbors.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Can I tell you how insignificant TV programs are to me?!? But if I must put my finger on TV worth watching… I’ve got to say, “Rescue Me” is the best bit of TV I’ve ever seen. Followed closely by "Weeds". And I don't even touch the stuff!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
In case you were wondering, I’m a member of Generation X. Therefore, I couldn’t be bothered enough to have hate. Because, of course, I’m apathetic as the day is long.

25. What was the best book you read?
This wasn’t a particularly good year for reading books. I read plenty, but nothing really burned up my soul. There were just a few that didn’t suck.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
It’s a toss up. I discovered Flogging Molly. That I should have known about long before I abandoned the West Coast. Then there was Rodrigo y Gabriela. And if you have a lick of sense, you’d go get their album as fast as humanly possible and basque in the afterglow of their magnificence. The Eagles of Death Metal sear my soul.

Of honorable note is: Nada Surf, Dear Leader, Say Anything, Hank Williams III, Jeff Buckley, and Dinah Washington.

27. What did you want and get?
I wanted to see my best friend, and I got to drive across the country with her... two geologists on a road trip... Aw yeah.

28. What did you want and not get?
The gorgeous cowboy boots that are so extra fantastic and beautiful that I may just have to buy for myself tomorrow as an advanced birthday gift.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I saw nothing that was worth mention.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went to Harvard Square. I had lunch at Bertucci’s. I had hot chocolate and Luxembourg cookies and a piece of chocolate cake from LA Burdick chocolates. And that about wraps it up with the exception of the detail that I was alone for the whole of the day. It was kind of nice to spend the day alone and not have to play nicely with others. I turned 36 years old. That ship is about to sail once again.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Regular freaky sex.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
It started off with expressing how curvy my titties are. Then I realized that the fellas in my office were having a hard time keeping their eyes in their heads and it was too sad and pathetic to bear so it evolved to striking awe with the subtle yet stunning beauty of my facial features.

33. What kept you sane?
Tall presumption that I’m sane.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
It’s a toss up between Benecio del Toro and Matthew MacConaughey. They are equally totally fucking D-R-E-A-M-Y!!

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ummm… As previously mentioned… Generation X… Apathy is my name.

36. Who did you miss?
Ma, Pa. That’s about it.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Kristie Speck. She can shake her shimmy like nobody’s business!!! She's my belly dancing teacher and she's a bombshell to be reckoned with!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
I’m ready for everything.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
In my mouth there's a hurricane
Just let it out
~Hum by the Sheila Divine

And the story about killing my mother is still upcoming. Be patient and stay tuned.

December 28, 2006

At the Confessional

I noticed the other day that my lips blush right as I'm about to kiss a man. They also blush when I'm about to cry. Coincidence... I think not.

Stay tuned for the true story about when I killed my mother.

December 25, 2006

What Fresh Hell is This?

Third night in a row to wake having a panic attack. Ripping!! I should have been a hairdresser. I'd be making more money and would have a fraction of the stress I'm enjoying today.

Merry Fucking Christmas!

December 23, 2006

A Day at the Office

Some days, going to the office looks like this.
I'll be glad when it's February and all this Christmas nonsense is a story of the past. As a heads up, I am a firm believer in the "Bah Humbug" philosophy about the holidays.
That's my scoop for now.

December 22, 2006

Hang on to Your Panties!!

And for the Record...

I was going to post a sordid picture of the subject of the last email making kissy faces with me in an alleyway, but my camera was lost a couple of nights later and so I'm foiled, y'all.


I'm not so much of a freak as to take pictures of random barflies necking with me... but my drunk-ass sister is, and she got hold of my camera that night. I'll try to find you a consolation prize and post that.

Until then...

December 19, 2006

Been a While - Been Busy With Liquor and Sin

I've found that evisceration in words is one of the best ways to deal with disappointment, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart, no matter how superficially. With that, I give you the story of (s)*, a cautionary tale. In this, the reckless season of holidays when judgement takes leave and the compulsion to feel connected to whoever overrides my better sensibilities, I found myself uncharacteristically throwing caution to the wind and actually liking a feller more than I otherwise would. You see, in a way to transfer responsibility for my own damned actions, I'm saying that my sister planted a pestilent seed in my mind about a man who I had met at my local pub. He is an interesting and nice guy, but in the end, perhaps the hope of coming across someone who isn't a character cliché in the way that of many of the men I've crossed paths with in the past have been, I was hoping that he would assuage the disappointment that I was anticipating from men in general. Pity.

Anyhow, my sister had mentioned to me that in spite of my having a pre-existing crush on another feller who I’m over the moon about, she thought this guy was interested in me and that he was the one who I should pursue. Like the tool that I am, I thought she might be right. phft! So there I was, drinking at my local drinkery, with the sister no less, and who else but (s) was there drinking and flirting with me... not my sex-pot sister, mind you, but... me. Holy Toledo!! I was pumped and befuddled. Anyhow, the bar closed and we went outside for a smoke before stumbling home and (s) was still hanging around. Conversation carried on and what should come to pass, but he made a pass at me. As usual, it completely took me off guard because guys generally aren't interested in me what-so-ever!!! Or at least that is how my life experience has generally felt. So my sister (who happened to be inebriated beyond recognition) stumbled back to my house on her own while I started this bizarre interaction with (s) that involved kissing and light dirty talk including him reminding me over and over how, "we are so going to fuck" on that very evening.

To which I could only respond, "You are so going to break my heart on some level, and I forgive you... just so you know."

Now, to his credit, he was just as drunk as I was (which for the record was... quite) and likely more so. And I would have shagged the ever loving fuck out of him, except for the small issue of my drunk-ass sister at my house in... Lord knows what condition and all. So I put the kibosh on that and once again, but narrowly, kept my virtue intact. I know, I know, I'm a saint. It must be said that in spite of my intoxicated state, he is a divine kisser. And that happens to feed my smiter like crack cocaine. Therefore, after all was said and done or not done as the case happened to be, I have a bonafied crush worthy of mental distraction and idealization and the whole catastrophic bit.

Fast forward two days....

My dear dear friend came for a visit from California. My sister came out from her stick town in Western Massachusetts and we hit the town. After a hockey game, we got ourselves back to my local pub and sure enough, (s) was right outside smoking a cigarette. Filthy habit, but who am I to judge what gets someone through the night? I said hi and made the appropriate introductions because I am nothing if not utterly polite. Then when I had a moment I told (s) that when I went upstairs that fateful night, my sister was all akimbo and had been emptying the contents of her stomach from the top down. What did he do? WHAT DID HE FUCKING DO?!! He looked at me and blinked and said, "I don't know what you are talking about."

I was thinking fast at that stage of the game... my first thought was... blackout... perhaps he's that much of a loser... then my thoughts turned to... he was speaking too articulately that night to be blacked out... he's trying to make it all go away... so I tried to sleuth out the truth of what was going on and I say, "You know, after the band played the other night."

And do you know what mother fucker said? Some freaking thing like, "I don't remember. I was pretty fucked up that night. I drank a lot of bourbon."

And like a tool, I said, "Oh." And proceeded to be crestfallen because for all my faults and imperfections, I'm a fricken phenomenal kisser and I can't help but take it personally when someone doesn't remember me as on of the most mind-blowing kissers they have ever snogged. It's a good thing I didn't blow him because I don't think my self-esteem could survive that sort of snubbing.

Being a rational sort, I didn't let my emotions get the better of me and I did the mature thing and proceeded to ignore him for the rest of the evening which didn't seem to bother him too much.

The next day I awoke feeling like reconstituted dog shit and did the best damage control that I could muster and ended up going to bed that night at 9 pm with a temperature of 101 degrees. The whole experience was nearly more than I could muster and my body went on full-tilt revolt.

Tonight, I landed once again at the local pub with my company in tow. Sure enough, (s) was there. Small talk, small talk and so on and so forth. We had all been drinking like it was our jobs and that included (s). Eventually I was able to get a few moments of his attention alone. My thoughts were that I'd let him off the hook because he's clearly a barfly in the most appealing pub in my town to hang out in so it would be best to let bygones be bygones and take the high road and so on, etc. So I once again asked him if he really didn't remember anything from the fateful night. Again he said that he didn't. So I thought what the fuck, I'll just start over with him and extended my arm and said, "Hi, I'm Teresa"**. He took my hand and shook it and introduced himself. Then I proceeded to explain to him that I thought we should start over because he didn't seem to remember the other night when he kissed me quite a few times and said dirty things and all and I didn't want things to be uncomfortable.

He seemed to be receptive and we were able to sit together and yammer on about innocuous things and it didn't really feel uncomfortable. So that's the best I've got when it comes to eviscerating someone in writing. At least it's the best I've got when I actually like someone. A little impotent, perhaps, but I pity the fool that seriously raises my ire. And like Mrs. Kennedy says, "Writing well is the best revenge." So I will continue to endeavor to that end and with any luck, one day the circumstances will align in a way that will allow me to wielda potent revenge on someone truly deserving. Until then, I will continue to pop off at the keyboard with the ranting of a mad woman.

That's all I've got for now, y'all.

Big pouty kisses for each and every one of you.

* Guess what… I changed the names of the not so innocent because I’m decent like that.

** And I’m sure you aren’t surprised, that I’m using a pseudonym so that I don’t divulge my true identity.

December 7, 2006

Misguided Elders

I have a myspace page. And no, you can't have the address lest my secret identity be divulged. Anyhow, yesterday a Boston cop sent me an email. He's 44 years old and married and looking for "new friends" to meet for a drink and all. Anyhow... I splained to him that I didn't particularly dig married guys, but if he was looking for friends, I'm on-board. Now I only am on-board on account of him actually being a nice fella and interesting to talk to (for the record, we graduated to phone conversations). Now before you get all... How can she be so damned naive! Phft!! I'm compelled to share that I'm not so doe-eyed. I've talked to a lot of married guys and they all have a few things in common. Most amusing and predictable of them being that each and every single married guy who starts sniffing around looking for some extra-marital hi jinks always makes a big show about explaining how his wife doesn't like to have sex, is frigid, doesn't like to kiss, eee-tee-cee!! And this one in particular is claims to be totally invested in his marriage in that he has no desire to ever leave his wife. So here I am, talking to this married guy and explaining that I would have an extremely difficult time taking out another woman's trash and he says that he would be ok with not "hooking up" but he still wants to get together and have a beer or coffee or something. Uh-hunh... Anyhow, I'm still not sure if I really want to meet this guy, but I always like to see who is able to be so committed to their marriage, and in the same breath be totally resolved in getting nasty with another woman. Honestly, no mile of fine-ass cock is enough cock to make that kind of pathetic mid-west housewife drama worthwhile. Phft backed up with a little bit of tscha mutha fucka!

December 4, 2006

Happy Holidays Y'all!!!

So I've been thinking since this morning when I last had something to say... that is, I last had the opportunity to say something I wasn't being paid to say... and since I'm ethically resistant to blogging on the company dime so I think on their dime but don't blog on their dime... I was thinking that I'm not sure if I will remain anonymous in this blog thing. Perhaps I'll come clean and allow you, Dear Internet, to know my identity, but for now and in the meantime, I remain anonymous. If and when anyone notices my presence here I'll consider outting myself. Not that I'm anyone of consequence or anything. I'm not a rock-star or supermodel or anything exceptional like that, just one girl (I know, I know, at 36 hardly a girl, but a woman is someone politically correct and a lady seems way more refined than I am so I maintain my identity that fits... girl) with a lot of disturbing thoughts floating around in my head that are going to be unceremoneously barfed into the internet to be done with as they will. So with that, I leave you to your own devices.

SWAK, Kitty Cats!

What Fresh Hell is this?

I’m changing my headline. Not that anyone has even looked at this blog, but hey, what can I do? I like the science tag that was previously up, but most people would have no idea what it meant even if they were able to figure out what it all was in the first place. For the record, OSiAlFeCaNaKMg is a list of the 8 most abundant elements in the earth’s crust in order of abundance. Guess what kind of scientist I am! So my goal here is to submit an entry a couple of times a week and see what sort of web hullabaloo I can anonomously create. In the greater scheme of things, I'm really bad about following through with this sort of thing, so we'll just have to wait it out and time will tell if I can get my shit together enough to make this happen.

My new mantra: I am a good dung-beetle! I'm keeping my shit together.

In the meantime, I'd better get my big ol' beaner bootie to the office. I can already tell that this week will be a humdinger.

Big cyber-kiss to anyone who can tell me what literary great would answer the phone with the query from this post's title.