June 2, 2007

Your New Best Friend, The Black Widow

It seems that being bitten by a black widow isn’t all bad. That is, there’s an upside to it. Sure, it is commonly fatal to children and the elderly, but in healthy adults, men in particular, it can prove to be a good thing.

In Chile, they call men who are particularly virile “spider-bitten”. Some clever scientists decided to pursue the facts behind the folklore. What they found was that a certain variety of black widow native to southern Chilean wheat fields may lead to superhuman virility. In strong young farmers the bite leads to “erections that can last for days and involve involuntary ejaculations.”

Hello lover!


Antonio de la Jarra reports for Reuters:

“Scientists have discovered a potentially marketable contraceptive in the venom of Chile's black widow spider, whose bite is fatal to many but can also cause prolonged, painful and involuntary erections in men.

“The venom of the Latrodectus mactans, a variety of black widow found only in the south of Chile, has spermicidal properties not found in black widows in other regions of the world, Chilean Dr Fernando Romero said.”


Hmmm…. What an incredible opportunity… a non-stop boner and no one gets knocked up... If only they can harness these properties…

Which is exactly what they are up to!

They are in the process of creating and patenting spermicidal gels, condom lubricants and whatnot that utilize the contraceptive and erectile dysfunction abating properties of the spider venom and they are going to be rich rich rich!

In the meantime, I’ve got a hot date tonight and I’m off to the rare and exotic pet store to pick up a certain black widow.

12 comments:

ellie said...

woooo hoooo. Can you drop one in the post for me? I'm off to find a victim :)

ellie said...

Opps forgot to say :

Good luck with the date. Have fun ;)

Eddie Waring said...

There is a warning on the back of the packet my pearl beaded cock ring came in that says if you have a chubby on for more than 4 hours you need to see a doctor! Having wood for days on end may seem like fun to you women but to a bloke, it would just be a nuisance and as for all this spontaneous ejaculating, it's probably only fun once or twice at the most.

Jocelyn said...

I'm a little hung up on the involuntary ejaculation part--totally picturing all the embarrassing places it could happen (in line at the post office--whoops! no need to lick that stamp)...

Fresh Hell said...

Ellie: I'll get on sent right off to you. ;) The date was fun.

Eddie: I figured you'd be a cock-ring fella. More than anything, watching a bloke with 3 day old wood would just be humorous for us ladies.

Jocelyn: Ha! No need to lick the stamp. Hilarious!

Conortje said...

I'm equally amused and horrified by this - hope your date goes well

Old Knudsen said...

I thought yer post would be about horny black weemen who just lost their husbands.

Due to a back injury I had a hard-on that lasted 2 years, no one noticed.

savannah said...

OMG! had to see what you were talking about...who says you don't learn important stuff from blogs? i have so added you to my blogroll..we must keep people informed!

*still cracking up ove the stamp comment*

Sassy Sundry said...

Yep. It's called a black widow because the poor bastard kills himself after mating, because he's in so much pain.

Rich said...

I'll think twice about killing another black spider.

Fresh Hell said...

Conortje: Welcome to the Gates! Thanks for the well wishes.

Knudsen: I woulda noticed. I'm keen like that.

Savannah: We are nothing if not disseminators of crucial and useful information here in blogland.

Sassy: Welcome to the Gates! I thought it was kind of funny that the black widdow is known for killing it's mate after breeding and here they are facilitating humans getting busy. Heh! Nature.

Rich: Think twice, think thrice, the little buggers could be quite the allies.

tony said...

I wonder why ,what good it does the spider?& why just in Chile?
I will treat the wee beasts with more respect in future!!!